Ladies: If you like puppies, hugs, charming Irish policemen, Jon Hamm’s bare chest, and Wilson Phillips (which I know you do), Bridesmaids is the movie for you…

Gentlemen: If you like poop, puke, cussing, general mayhem and Kristen Wiig in her underwear (which I know you do), Bridesmaids is the movie for you…

Directed by Paul Feig of Knocked Up fame, Bridesmaids brings together a cast of predominately female actors who are truly funny to watch. Annie, played by Kristen Wiig is charming, likable and (most importantly) funny. Melissa McCarthy brings A+ “dude-humor” as over-the-top crude Megan, and potty-mouthed Wendi McLendon-Covey brings clever shock-value humor as long-time married Rita.

The funny moments are truly FUNNY as Wiig proves that she has the charisma and charm to carry a feature film. My main comment on Wiig from SNL is that her constant hamming is a comedic crutch that gets tiresome after the first time you see it… In Bridesmaids, Wiig gives just enough of her patented awkwardness to satisfy her fans and holds back enough to be accessible and “real”.

Chris O'Dowd as the “every man’s hero and woman’s fantasy” love interest, officer Rhodes, is truly charming and provides much needed heart. As one of the few male characters in the film the chemistry is believable and fun… Think Aiden from Sex in The City, meets Paul Rudd with an accent… My main complaint is that I wanted more time developing this relationship.

Oddly enough, the weak moments of the film take place between the bride, Lillian (played by Maya Rudolph) and Maid of Honor, Annie (Wiig). The history of their friendship is not explored in detail leaving the end a bit punchless. Skimming over the finer points of the character development leave you wondering why, after basically ruining every major event of her “best friends” wedding by delivering an awkward speech, giving the bridal party food poisoning (causing a vomit/diarrea outburst the size of Mt. St. Helens) and causing a scene on an airplane forcing an emergency landing, why Lillian would still want the friendship of Annie… With that said, I think picking apart the character development of this film seems a bit silly and pointless, as the point of this film is to laugh.

Missouri native Jon Hamm, of Mad Men fame, donates his talents playing a womanizing sex buddy of Annie. If anyone can bring back the coolness of the hairy chest, it is Jon Hamm.

In the end, Bridesmaids is a fun time at the movie house. The casting is perfect, the laughs come in bunches and there are enough quotable lines that you might feel yourself left out if you miss it… Something tells me that you will hear the line, “I have seen better tennis playing in a tampon commercial” the next time you hit the courts.

So ummm … yeah, go see “Thor.” It’s good … and stuff.

Not to overdress it with my usual fanboy nitpickery and giddiness for all things comic book, Marvel Comic’s newest foray for it’s heroes into film breaks expectation and hammers in one hell of a summer ride. Under the careful eye of actor/director Kenneth Branagh (“Hamlet,” “Othello”), the God of Thunder is given a great level of depth, character and pace that beckons back to the Shakespearean themes with which the director is trained. With a strong story rooted in the delicate relationships between a father and son as well as between brothers, “Thor” adds a new dimension to the already worldly realms of Gods and myth.

A brash, arrogant boy-king, Thor (Chris Hemsworth), the son of Odin (Anthony Hopkins), is ready to take over the thrown from his slowly weakening father. While his brother Loki, the God of Mischief (Tom Hiddleston) waits in the shadows of the wings. With war and the glory of battle always a priority on his mind, Thor retaliates after a threat enters the kingdom and unbalances a fragile peace held with the Frost Giants. Needing to learn humility, Thor is cast out of the kingdom and sent among the humans where he quickly learns that there is more to being a king than welding a mighty weapon.

With an all-star cast that brings Natalie Portman, Sharon Stone, Idris Elba, Colm Feore, Ray Stevenson and more together, “Thor” gives audiences exactly what they expect from a summer blockbuster. Awesomeness that tastes even better with a Coke and some popcorn.

As a lead actor, Chris Hemsworth is mesmerizing to watch – not just because he’s built like a spokesman for P90X – but because he carries a presence that is likeable and easy to follow. At the same time, rather than making him act like a moron learning how to use a spoon on Earth, the writers made a wise choice and allowed him to have a brain to along with all that brawn and keep his story moving forward at a steady space. Why is this important? Simply put, because he needs to learn his lesson and while this could have been a clunk-fest, Hemsworth’s transition is smooth and you as an audience member route for him the enter way. Along with that, as an adversary, Hiddleston is perfectly cast as Loki. While not overly evil, Middleston adds a nice nuance of naughtiness just under the surface that even makes the audience wonder if he truly is the mischief-maker that that myth tells us that he is.

The breakout character, for me was Idris Elba as Heimdall. This dude is one of my favorite actors – from the “Wire” to “Luther” – every performance he puts in is gold and this is no exception. As guardian of the gate, Elba’s voice sends chills done your spine and honestly, he owns every scene that he is featured in.

Of course, I cannot say the same thing for Ms. Portman. After watching her put Hollywood in check with “Black Swan,” she quickly disappointed with the stoner comedy “Your Highness” and, unfortunately, here as well. While her and the leading man had great chemistry, her character Jane Foster, could have been anyone. While the character overall was extremely important for the development of Thor, you would expect a little more. I’m not saying she did a poor job - just, she could have done more. At the same time, I’m sorry, it’s just hard to believe that this Hottie-McHotterson astrophysicist is in town and no one is hitting on her every second of the day. But then again, that’s just me.

Anyway.

By now, most of the world knows that this film, the “Iron Man” films, “The Incredible Hulk” and the upcoming “Captain America” film, are all leading up to something bigger – namely the “Avengers” movie which recently started shooting. What is truly great about this film is that, while having to be a little bogged down by the origins of the hero, it feels like it is a stepping-stone for something bigger. Usually, this would be a bad thing. Not here. If this is the beginning to something bigger, then comic geeks better hold on to their first editions. Throughout the film, small references to comic lore are hinted making Marvel Maniac’s mouths water. As a stand alone film, Branagh has established a strong group of characters and could easily develop more on his own, but as an overarching tree of coolness, you can’t help but giggle in anticipation.

Overall, seriously, go see “Thor.” I still do not recommend shelling out the extra cash for 3D, but if you want a high quality experience at the movies this weekend, this is the film to see. Hemsworth is delightful eye candy, but a wonderful story, strong direction and solid action help make him more than just his god-like good looks. Be on the lookout for some great Marvel goodies sprinkled throughout the film (including an extra Avenger if you’re savvy) and make sure you stay till the end. Mainstream audiences may not see the significance, but if you’re in the know of comic books and not hyped up for “Captain America” and for the “Avengers,” you will be.

4 out of 5 Shattered Pieces of the Rainbow Bridge

“Thor” the God of Kicking Butt

Reviewed by Jason Gregg

First off, I do not consider myself a fan boy or a comic book guy.  I grew up on Mad Magazine and their clever fold-ins.  The only exposure I had to the comic book “Thor” was as a kid I received the free copies from my dentist office.  I think it was “Thor vs. the Cavity Creeps” or some lame knock-off like that. When I heard that Thor the God of Thunder was making the transition from comic book to his own big screen movie I was cautious. Who wants to see some guy swing his hammer and speak in Old Norse for two hours? 

I am man enough to admit when I am wrong (I am also the same guy that doubted “Ironman” would be a huge success). I was wrong for questioning that stage and screen expert Kenneth Branagh (“Henry V,” “Much Ado About Nothing””) would not deliver a stellar movie. Branagh has the ability to pull a strong performance from his cast without forcing them to over act.  He also has the ability to create a supernatural world, Asgard, where Thor and his family of gods reign. Branagh and his art production team present Asgard as a tangible place for gods to live. 

In the first few minutes we begin our story in Norway and discover how the Frost Giants come to earth to destroy humans.   King Odin (played by Anthony Hopkins) and his army defeat the Frost Giants.  We are soon attending a beautiful ceremony where Odin’s son Thor (played by Chris Hemsworth) is about to be crowned king of Asgard.  Due to a breach in security the ceremony is cut short.  Out of anger and vanity Thor gathers his friends to break a truce with the Frost Giants and launches an attack. After Odin discovers what has happened, he furiously banishes his son to Earth, along with Thor’s famous hammer, Mjolnir. 

Thor crash-lands on earth where he is no longer the once powerful god; he is just a regular guy (a regular guy who looks like he’s been doing P90X since puberty).  A scientist, Jane (played by Natalie Portman) and her team literally runs into Thor.  Jane is trying to discover a wormhole between our world and others in the universe.  The two soon realize that they each have what the other one wants and soon become allies. 

This is the part where you should start paying close attention.  Not because you get a history lesson on Norse mythology but because Marvel Studios is combining their super heroes to make an “Avengers” movie in 2012.  Thor will be one of the Avengers and there are quite a few references of these heroes and characters from the Marvel Universe - Hawkeye, Ironman, Phil Coulson from S.H.I.E.L.D., etc. 

Thor, now without his powers, must be reunited with his mighty hammer, which as fate would have is only 50 miles from him.  While Thor is fighting to win back his hammer and return to Asgard, his brother Loki (played by Tom Hiddleston), the God of Mischief, is stirring up trouble between the Frost Giants and Asgard.  The entire story climaxes in a way that you would imagine with any comic book movie; good vs. evil, cocky hero learns a valuable lesson, several awesome fight scenes, that whole thing.  

Should you see this movie?  Yes.  It’s has action, humor and some outstanding art direction to develop the mythical worlds.  Do you need to see it in 3D? Not necessarily.  The 3D was too dark in some of the action scenes at night and didn’t add much to the day time scenes.  As a stand alone story “Thor” can hold the audience’s attention even if they aren’t avid fans of the comic book. 

Fast cars … hot chicks … exotic locations … Yup, I’m in.
 
10 years, 4 movies and countless destroyed cars later, Vin Diesel and crew are back to break speed limits, run stop signs and steal as much stuff as they can get their thieving hands on. Set after “Fast & Furious” (part 4) but before “The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift,” (part 3) “Fast Five” goes old school and decides to bring what's left of the band back together and rev new life into the franchises genre. Directed by Justin Lin, "Five" is a super charged engine of fun that just keeps hitting on all cylinders.

From the very beginning, the team is on the run. After a daring and death defying break-out of Dom (Diesel) by long-time adversary/friend Brian (Paul Walker) and sister Mia (Jordana Brewster), the trio get moved to the top of America's most wanted list and decide to flee to lands better unknown. Making their way south into the big booty beaches of Brazil, they find an old friend, a new job and inherit a whole heap of trouble when the People's Champion, Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson,  gets assigned to smack them down. After a major snag in plans, the team must find a way stay alive while making sure that the biggest baddie in Brazil (El Bucho himself Joaquim de Almeida) loses a major portion of his market share. Along the way, some more old familiar faces (Ludacris, Tyrese Gibson, Sung Kang, Gal Gidot and more) are brought in to shift gears and take last years Ford Fusion and flip it into an "Italian Job." (Sorry, for those of you don't get the reference, see the "Italian Job." The good one. Not the crappie Mark Wahlberg version … the real version.)

Changing the focus of the film from the basic getaway to heist movie is exactly what the franchise needed. While still completely ridiculous, unbelievable and (if you think about it too hard) laughably silly, blasting back some old cast members and adding a few more made for some surprisingly refreshing fun. Yes, it's hard to believe that Diesel's Dominic character is now a mastermind criminal able to defy the entire Federal Police force of multiple countries and go toe to toe with the Rock, but hey, whatever. I'll take that ride. And, speaking of the Rock … damn this dude is fun to watch. As the hard ass, tough as nails, Hobbs, Johnson steals the show easily from everyone else making to hard for the future films of the franchise not to what to feature him more prominently. Coming up on close seconds are the before mentioned Ludacris and Gibson. Both positive leftovers from the hideously bad "Too Fast, Too Furious," these two add some much needed comedy, quick wit and interesting character to what could have been an overly testosterone fueled crap fest.

Along with that, I have to say, the action in this film is excellent. Yeah I said it. Excellent. Bet you didn't think someone would say that about one of these flicks, but there it is. Over the top, implausible and completely edge of your seat moments fuel this film and help keep it going through the finish line. Big explosions and some great stunt work give new depth to a franchise that has been pretty one dimensional in the past. I mean, let's face it, save for a few interesting races, the past films were pretty tame. But, it looks like Lin has learned from past work and really developed some thrilling action that truly engages the audience. Plus, while shot way too close for my liking, there is an all out brawl between Diesel and Johnson that makes you drool for more.

Of course, not everything is all gold spinners and NOS. "Five" is just too long. Scenes seem to go and go and I'm not sure why, but Lin chooses to show us sweeping shots of Rio and it's iconic favelas and city monuments multiple times throughout the film. I mean come on. You show us the Cristo Redentor statue once, we get it. "Oh, they are in Rio de Janeiro." Got it. Show it five times as part of transitional montage in two hours … you're just wasting time. Snip snip my friend. At the same time, geez there a lot of characters in the film. It's clear that "Ocean's 11" is a reference point and inspiration for the film, but there's no need to cast that same number of people. Sure, all the characters some how stay relevant and do something in the grand scheme of things, but in the end, simplifying it down a little more would have made something decent, much better. Also, while it is a little fun, the League of Extraordinary Criminals thing does get dangerously close to being stupid especially when suddenly, a team that was starving for money one moment is swimming in high-tech gear and state-of-the-art vault breaking tools. Just saying.

Overall, regardless of what you think, the "Fast" franchise is successful because they know their audience and they know what the people want. Ridiculous at times, unbelievable for most of it, but 100 percent fun make this entry worth it for fans of the films. By bringing back some of the best characters from past episodes and adding the right modifications, the filmmakers have tricked out this ride for maximum appeal. Fast cars, hot chicks and bulging biceps are just the surface for the fun you'll have at the theater with this one. Will it win any awards … nope. But it will be a great diversion for friends to enjoy together. So, start your engines, strap on that seat belt and step on it to a theater near you.

Oh and before I head out … stick around through the credits. Longtime fans will be rewarded with clues for what's next for the Furious franchise.

3.5 out 5 Ten second cars

Ah Brazil. A land chock full of exotic mystery, beautiful color and exquisite beauty. Friends tell me that it is one of the most amazing places on earth with a mystique that is almost hypnotic for any brave traveler. Luckily, “Rio,” with all it’s bright colors and music, does well to represent the land it is set in.

Directed by Carlos Saldnha with the voice talents of Jesse Eisenberg, Anne Hathaway and George Lopez, “Rio” is an international journey of self-discovery, filled with bright pageantry, fun music and excellent animation. Beginning in a rain forest near Rio de Janeiro, audiences are dazzled as the local animals welcome us to the land. Unfortunately, everything is cut short when an evil group of thieves stop the fun and birdnap the local fauna including our hero Macaw, Blu (a pitch perfect and neurotic Eisenberg). Now, away from his home, a motor mishap introduces Blu to his new master Linda. Now, years the later, the duo grows to be best of friends and after a bird loving ornithologist discovers Blu, the two are thrust into the exotic world of “Rio.” Once there, it’s up to Blu to discover love with Jewel (Anne Hathaway) and rekindle the nearly extinct blue Macaw species. Of course, things happen, opposites attract and someone starts to sing, but lots of fun happens along the way.

Colorful is one way to describe this film, but truthfully, it would be an injustice to simply describe it that way. This film is gorgeous. Blu and Jewel sweep through their environment in a way that speaks to the freedom and power of film. From the lush greens of the rain forests to the urban brightness of the city, the animation masters at Fox have truly developed something to behold. Breathtaking. Eye candy. Amazing. You get the idea.

However, color can only take the experience so far. While being touted as the film that could out toy “Toy Story,” this film falls incredibly short. Not because it is a bad film … it’s just not up to the high standard that Pixar has set. Story-wise, it’s the pretty basic stuff. Bird boy meets bird girl. They don’t get along. She flies, he doesn’t. She’s free; he’s domesticated. Opposites, yeah? And at its root, “Rio” is excellent at telling this basic story. However, past that, it’s just sort of the same stuff.  Which, for it’s core audience is perfect. Looking around the theater, it was clear that the kids liked what they were seeing. The laughs were coming at all the right moments and, if this is any indication, the music was making my daughter get out her seat and dance. But, and maybe my problem is more the marketing, this film never became more than the basic kids stuff.

At the same time, filmmakers need to do something about 3D. As I said before, this film is crazy colorful, and the 3D format terribly darkens the film and overall adds nothing to the overall experience. The only time the kids, and I, really reacted to the 3D was when the first logo showed up on the screen and everyone reached out to try to touch it with the regular oohs and ahhs. Twenty minutes into the film, several kids in my row, including my daughter, already had the glasses off complaining of their eyes hurting and chose to rather watch the show blurry. This says something. Parents, please take note.

In terms of the voice acting, Eisenberg and Hathaway are great together, while Lopez and Tracy Morgan as the “quest support” add some good fun. Jamie Foxx and Will I Am are kind of annoying, but they keep to their roles well and add some good musical interludes to the story. The standout voice for me though has to be Jermaine Clement’s (“The Flight of the Conchords”) effort as the evil cockatoo Nigel. His song is kind of crap, but as a villain, he adds a lot of fun, menace and angst.

Overall, “Rio” is a fun diversion into an animated world of colorful animals, beautiful scenery and good old-fashioned love. While never giving Pixar films a run for their money, this film is, by far, feather and tails better than the poor quality kids films that have been recently produced (examples – “Hop,” and “Gnomeo and Juliet.”) Solid voice-acting from some very notable actors and actresses add to the overall experience making “Rio.” It’s a good, quality family outing this weekend. Be wary of the trouble with 3D, but feel free to spread your wings and fly with “Rio.”

3.5 out of 5 Thieving Monkeys

Back in 1996, the horror genre was gored in its side when director Wes Craven (horror director elite) and writer Kevin Williamson (winner of the Best Use of a Thesaurus Award) unleashed the film "Scream" onto the newly minted "intelligent" teens of the time. With television shows and Quentin Tarantino working to raise our vocabulary and screen smarts, "Scream" was exactly what we needed - a film that spoke to us as if we were peers and not morons looking for a cheap thrill. While not incredibly scary, "Scream" achieved its overall goal and helped horror revaluate itself.

Fast-forward through one decent sequel, another one that sucked (and, to a certain point, I won’t even acknowledge -  just like "Superman 3" and "Nightmare on Elm Street 2" never happened) and now to 2011 where we find the dynamic duo of dissection back for another "Stab" at the horror genre with "Scream 4."

But does anyone really care?

Set 10 years after Billy and Stu donned the mask and terrorized Woodsboro, a book signing tour brings our "not-going-to-be-a-victim-anymore" Sidney Prescott (Neve Campbell) back home where, surprise, surprise, ole Ghost Face just happens to be back up to his old tricks. No need to really go into more detail - you should know the rest - teens get introduced, teens die in elaborate ways, killer has a knife, people get stabbed, yadda, yadda, yadda. You get the picture. Same old, same old, right? Well yes and no.

Nostalgia is everywhere in the film and for this filmgoer, it felt wonderful. Hearing Dewey's (David Arquette - now Sheriff Dewey) theme music again, listening to Gail's (Courtney Cox) bitchy attitude and seeing Sidney's dumb innocence brought me back to my high school days and helped make everything, this time around, fun. I mean, it's ridiculous to think that horrible things keep happening to these people, but man, even after all these years, it’s so easy to connect with the three main characters and root for them to survive through even more. At the same time, hidden gems of scenery and dialogue refer back to the past films keeping everything seem relevant with the events feeling like they are happening in a real-world environment. At the same time, just like the first two films, the dialogue is razor sharp, witty and for the most part very entertaining. Hell, even the characters bring reference to the multiple occurrences of Ghost Face along with the ridiculous sequels of the "Stab" movies and make fun of it.

Unfortunately, if you're looking for scares, you're looking in the wrong place. Filled with knee jerk, quick jumps, this film never really finds its inner thriller and thus, you're never really scared. Disturbed is probably a better word to describe it because, come on let's face it, Kristen Bell says it perfectly when she states, "There is something very scary about a guy with a knife that just … snaps." At the same time, I don't know about you, but there is this icky tingly feeling I get when I see someone get shivved by a giant knife. Call me a little crazy, but that kind of creeps me out … a lot. Speaking of, where the hell do get a knife like that? It's stinking huge.

Yet, the lack of scares is not the problem. Sure, I wish the film could have given more chills, but the problem this time is that it’s just too smart for it's own good. Where as the first film helped make horror highly intelligent, this time around it’s as if the horror scholars of the University of Northern Murder are lecturing you to and by the midway point, it gets kind of old. Sure, the characters are a little more evolved and having them mock the genre is fun, but at a certain point, you just have to let the story happen without over explaining everything. There is even a point when the highly secretive villain (he, she, it, they – you’ll just have to see it) actually begins monologuing like a stereotypical James Bond baddie. Seriously? Films like “Inception” have proved that moviegoers are just as smart as the people making the films. Sure, a majority of us pay and go see crap, but we are smart. Promise. If a film is going to go that smart route, it’s insulting to then stop, reach out and hold the audience’s hand as if we are bunch of brain dead losers. Sorry, but in the end, that makes the filmmakers the losers.

Along with all of that, refilling the cast with too many characters weighs the potential of this film way down. To a certain point, the notable young actors and actresses that make cameos are quite impressive and getting them to do some of the things they do is fun, but as the film moves on, you just don’t seem to care about anyone save the original trio. At the same time … remember that comment about smart? Yeah well, it’s kind of silly to make the characters smart and then have them do all the stupid things they are making fun of. Really? Are you going to get out of your car after the killer makes his move? Seriously? Are you sure that you want to make fixing the wind chime you’re outdoor project of the night when the serial murder is stalking hotties in the darkness? Dude, are you really going to get drunk and then go wandering around right after you told the audience that in horror 101, that was a no no? Come on.

Overall, just like the original “Scream” film, “Scream 4” achieves what it set out to do – make an entertaining horror film. By keeping some of oldie but goodie concepts and characters from the beginning and infusing new social norms, it almost becomes something special. But, too many characters, too much attention to making the identity a secret and too much talking down to the audience keep this one from becoming a horror classic. Is it entertaining? Hell yes. Is it scary? Hell no. The demographic will eat it up and watch it in droves, but for the horror elite, “Scream 4” is just another victim on the cutting room floor.

 3 out 5 Busts of Henry Winkler’s Principal Himbry from “Scream”

Seriously, you have to ask yourself, “What was the point of that?” I mean really? All that money, time and talent and that’s what you produce. Aren’t you the guys that gave us “Pineapple Express” and “Eastbound and Down?” Isn’t this the director that directed “All the Real Girls,” “George Washington,” and  “Snow Angeles?” Isn’t that, those two people on the screen, Oscar nominated actors with the actress just winning a Best Performance award for her turn in “Black Swan?”

This is it?

“Your Highness,” a raunchy comedy set in medieval times, is bad joke journey through wizards, warriors and weed. Starring Danny McBride as the lazy and potty-mouthed Thadeus and James Franco as his heroic brother Fabious, “Highness” follows the duo as they seek out the evil warlock Leezar (the excellent Justin Theroux) who has kidnapped the extraordinarily beautiful Belladonna (played by the unbelievable beautiful Zooey Deschanel ... who, by the way is beautiful … not sure if I told you that yet). Along the way, stuff happens, laughs kind of get made and so on.

Meh.

The trouble with “Highness” isn’t so much the talent involved as it is the way they go about telling the story.  Like I pointed out above, from the director (David Gordon Green) to the actors and actresses – which includes the badass Natalie Portman – this film is overflowing with recognizable, quality actors. However, once bogged down under a foully scripted mess, it’s hard for anyone to shine. Never quite taking itself seriously, the script decides to throw in f-bombs and recycled jokes rather than working something new in. Yes, we understand that the main character is a lazy P.O.S. and yes we understand that he is a fine connoisseur of cannabis, but just because he says he wants to get “F’ed up,” with a British accent does not make it funny. Silly, ridiculous and raunchy are all perfect combinations when, as an overall project, they are taken seriously – see “The Jerk,” “There’s Something About Mary,” and “The 40-Year Old Virgin” for proof. However, here, it is clear that the script never attempts to be smarter than a fifth grader and thus, it just turns out kind of bad.

Which is a shame because, again, the talent is there.

The one shining star of the film is Theroux’s performance as the devious and evil Leezar. Taking over the entire scene whenever he is on screen, Theroux shows everyone else how it’s done and gives the audience most of the laughs throughout the film. At the same time, I would dare say that whenever he’s involved, the other characters benefit, greatly helping them almost climb out of the pit of despair, only to quickly fall back in after he has left.

Overall, “Your Highness” is a very expensive attempt at making audiences laugh that fails badly. I’m sure that the stoner crowd will think that some of this is genius, but if they put down what they were smoking and looked at it through unbong washed eyes, they would see it a little clearer. Straining for laughs and overfilled with talent, “Highness” should have been more, but alas, it is not.

2 out of 3 Unicorn Horns

“Kill the Irishman” The Ballad of Danny Greene

Reviewed by Jason Gregg

America loves the tough guy. The guy who faces the impossible odds and beats them to a bloody pulp.  Examples - Rocky, Dirty Harry or Dalton (“Road House”).  America also loves the bad guy. The guy that we really shouldn’t support but we do anyhow.  Examples - The Godfather, Scarface and Henry Hill (“Goodfellas”).  In “Kill the Irishman” we are now given a new underdog, bad guy to cheer for, Danny Greene (played by Ray Stevenson).  All-American tough guy.  

In Jonathan Hensleigh’s latest movie based on Danny Greene’s life in the 1970s, we see the tough guy who works his way up from the docks in Cleveland, Ohio.  Greene has it rough from the beginning, an orphan raised on Cleveland’s mean streets. He takes a job on the docks shoveling grain and is soon given the opportunity to become a union leader because he is one of the only guys that reads books. So, he is also a tough guy with some intellect. He literally fights his way into his position of Union Boss. From there he leads a corrupt life assisting the local Italian mafia in robbing the docks where he works. 

Does this sound like any kind of movie hero? Why are we intrigued to continue watching? Maybe it’s because some of us (mainly us guys) secretly want to be Greene. The guy that doesn’t take nonsense from anyone.  If someone gets in your way, break his jaw, beat him down and don’t worry about consequences. 

Things are going well for Greene until his arrest; his bad deeds finally catch up to him.  He cuts a deal with the FBI to become an informant and is back home with his wife and kids.  He now needs to find work.  He soon becomes a debt collector for Shondor Birns (played by Christopher Walken).  Although Greene is Irish and Birns is Italian they don’t let that stand in the way of their friendship, especially since there is money to be made. 

Again things are going well for Greene, he patrols Cleveland with his crew collecting past due balances for the mafia.  Being a tough guy he usually lets his fist or hand gun do the talking.  Things soon go south for Greene and Birns due to a lost $70,000.  Immediately there is a price on Greene’s head. 

In 1976 there were 36 explosions that rocked Cleveland therefore dubbing it as Bomb City, USA.  This is all due in part to the Italian mob trying to kill the Irishman, Greene.  He dodges bullets like Superman and survives explosions like John McClain (“Die Hard”) then walks away with an indifferent attitude.   

How does he survive all of these assassination attempts?  He is an Irish Catholic with the grace of God.  Greene doesn’t show fear; he keeps himself believing his intent is to be a modern day Robin Hood for the community. Even after losing his children and wife, he sticks it out because tough guys never give up.  Especially Irish Catholic tough guys. 

Should you see this movie?  Sure, if you like tough guys and if you like cheering for the bad guy.  Greene’s take-no-guff attitude kept his character interesting when the story seemed to lag or when there weren’t any cars blowing up.  He is supported by a cast of strong veterans, Val Kilmer, Vincent D’Onofrio and Paul Sorvino. The film also has an authentic documentary feel to it since Hensleigh incorporates actual footage from newscasts covering Greene’s life as a local legend. 

“Born to be Wild” in IMAX 3D

Reviewed by Jason Gregg

When it comes to nature documentaries Morgan Freeman is a great go-to-guy for the movie studios.  He has a voice that can seem soothing and pleasant to just about anyone. Freeman narrates the latest IMAX 3D documentary “Born to be Wild” by David Lickley (who also directed “Bears” and “Jane Goodall’s Wild Chimpanzees”).  For a short 40 minutes Freeman does a first-rate job stirring up many emotions in the viewer.  Well, he doesn't do it alone; he has some help from the adorableness of baby elephants and baby orangutans.

Before this film I would not be able to locate Borneo on a map very easily.  Thanks to the clever direction by Lickley we see an interactive map of both Borneo and Kenya where our story is about to begin.  We are also introduced to two women who have dedicated their lives to rescuing and adopting elephants and orangutans who have been orphaned because of the actions of mankind.  

Daphne Sheldrick has set up an elephant sanctuary in Kenya; many of the elephants are there because poachers killed their parents (the release of this film could be really bad timing for the CEO of godaddy.com and his recent elephant hunting video). She raises the elephants with a team of zookeepers and is the only person to successfully raise an elephant from infant to adulthood.

We then travel to Borneo to see Birute Galdikas’ sanctuary for orphaned orangutans. They have lost their homes and their parents due to man’s rapid expansion into their territory.  

In both cases we experience a cuteness factor that would overwhelm just about anyone with the warm fuzzies. We see the orangutans doing cute human-like behaviors such as drinking milk from soda bottles, bathing themselves and riding on the back of motorcycles. We also see the elephants drinking lots of milk from bottles, playing soccer and adapting to their human surroundings.

In the end, the captured animals are released back into the wild where they belong. The journey back home is guided by humans, the same species that orphaned them in the first place. 

Should you see this movie? Yes, but only see it in the IMAX 3D format for its vibrant images of the animals and for some wonderful shots of both the African and Borneo landscapes. It’s a seemingly flat story with not too many ups and downs or much conflict.  If it weren’t for the 3D this could have been a straight-to-DVD release.  

I do understand that Lickley wanted us to realize that there is a threat of extinction for both of these species. However, we are not given any action steps at the end. I would at least expect a website address to pop up telling the viewers that they can do more to help these orphans.     

“Win Win” is a Draw

Reviewed by Jason Gregg

The average American is overweight. The average American is in credit card debt. The average American is struggling to pay their monthly mortgage.  Paul Giamatti understands who the average American is and he understands how to portray the average American on film. He is probably one of the few famous actors who doesn’t have to spend a lot of time at the gym preparing for a role. With his “everyman” look, he can deliver an average character in which most middle-aged audience members can relate.  

“Win Win” is the latest independent story from director Thomas McCarthy featuring Giamatti as Mike Flaherty, a local attorney in a small town in New Jersey (although, this small town could have been anywhere in the United States).  McCarthy did a splendid job of setting the stage of this quaint town. After the first five minutes, I wanted to pull up a chair at the local Dunkin Donuts and have a coffee with the townspeople.   

Mike is struggling to make ends meet, yet he has an overwhelming disgust of having to take a regular job to provide for his family.  His marriage to Jackie (played by Amy Ryan) is fine but his law practice is struggling.  He has a particular client, Leo Poplar (played by Burt Young), who is slipping into dementia and is in need of constant attention.  Mike sees an opportunity here.  Leo is going to be forced out of his home and into a nursing home.  Leo also has quite a bit of money; in fact he pays out a large monthly commission to his caretaker. Mike sees an opportunity to take that monthly commission and put Leo in a nursing home. Mike is a good person with good intentions, but like the rest of the working class folks, he has the common desire to provide for his family.  

After Mike puts Leo in his nursing home, we are introduced to Kyle (played by Alex Shaffer, in his only film role to date). Kyle is a runaway from his mother in Ohio. He shows up unannounced and starts taking the focus of the film. Kyle is a strong willed yet extremely quiet and pleasant young man.  He also brings with him a mystery of why he left Ohio in the first place.  

As part of Mike’s contribution to the community he coaches high school wrestling.  The wrestling team is lacking in the “wins” category.  It turns out that Kyle is an exceptional wrestler.  Just what Mike needs.  Mike’s family takes Kyle in and also starts understanding his story and why he is running away from his mom, who is in a drug rehab facility.  

The story moves in the general direction that you would expect from a story like this. Kid runs away from home; mom follows to repair a broken relationship; kid finds out the man that he trusted is a liar; mom wants her dad’s monthly commission; conflict arises and a solution is found. I hate to give a broad-brush stroke like that but it’s a simple movie that doesn’t offer too much excitement. Taking into consideration that it is a movie involving a high intensity contact sport such as wrestling I would expect a little more action and intensity from the pace of the film.  

Should you see this movie? Maybe. It does deliver a story with solid acting and character development.  I do see Shaffer moving up in his career using this film as a launching pad. During the movie, I kept thinking that he reminds me of a young Sean Penn, not a “Fast Times at Ridgemont High” Penn, but a “Taps” or “Bad Boys” Penn. Shaffer has a recognizable intensity and more importantly a believability to him. This isn’t a story about wrestling or a story about deception or even a story about forgiveness. It’s a story giving the audience a two-hour window viewing Americana in modern times.